The Tunnel at the end of the Light

Well, its now Post Shingles time now. I have come out of that Tunnel of Pain and disorientation and discomfort to the Light again. Its a relief! Time to see again, a time to be able to think clearly again.

What an awful time that was. Since that early morning in my Unit, when the pain started to make its grand entrance, to today when I now feel normal again. (whatever normal is).

I can look back on what happened and progressed, and see how something so intense yet unseen to the naked eye can be a life changing event, more personally than general.
The issue of walking, sleeping, eating, thinking, and talking was huge. I was challenged in all these areas.
To walk a few short steps, painful.
To sleep a few hours, impossible.
To eat a simple meal, unable to.
To think anytime, unclear.
To talk to anyone, muddled.

Confusion, Depression, and a dislike for Living seemed very real at that time.

I was on strong medication, which, now I can see, had dreadful side effects. A couple of these effects continue today.
Burning, crawling skin sensations that sent me wild, blurred vision, squealing ears, no taste, felt cranky, tiredness big time. muddled thinking. These were a few of the lovely symptoms of the Medication.
But...If it was a decision whether it was the Shingles with its intense murdering pain, or the side effects from strong medications..
Medication Won big time!!
To KILL pain was the Number ONE issue here. Without the pain I could deal with all the other side effects easily.
One of the lingering effects from all of this is Fatigue. I seem to fade every few hours, and need to rest. I will feel fine, then..zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.. so sleepy and dopey. A few mins snooze seems to return me to normal again.


One of the bigger issues now from all of this is Tolerance.
My Tolerance to whinging people with complaints so mediocre that it almost seems laughable that they have wasted so much energy on basically nothing at all.
Maybe I will move on from this Tolerance phase, but at this very moment, whinging people seem to drive me crazy, and I have no time for them.
Who Knows!!??

Stay Tuned!

ps..Real people with real complaints are ok. I do have Tolerance with them! There is a difference.

Mortality

When an event suddenly thrusts ones own mortality smack bang in your face, its a very humbling and mind changing time.

Others may find this event somewhat uneventful, but for me, this is something that opens ones mind to a whole new series of thoughts and concepts.

Last Monday back in My Work Unit, around 4am, I woke suddenly. My right hip area was stone cold, uncovered by the Doona that had somehow slid off during the night. I covered myself from the freezing morning air, and added an extra blanket.
The ache in my hip was intense, I had to get up as the discomfort was unbearable laying down. Its 4:30am, and I am tired. I worked til 11pm the night before, and crawled into bed just after midnight.
I have had only 4 hours sleep. back to bed I crawled again, but the pain in my hip was an absolute eye opener. I couldn't figure out why I was in so much pain.
Maybe because it was uncovered the cold air had made the muscles ache too much?
I conceded defeat and got out of bed, had a hot shower and decided to head south to Tullah.
My Friend was heading off to Melbourne that morning and I was off to Tullah to pick him up, drive him to Wynyard (Burnie Airport) and then I would go back to the Unit and wait for 3pm for my afternoon shift.
It was a long drive there and back, my hip was aching a lot by this stage, but a couple of pain relief tabs should fix it I thought.

Back in the Unit my pain was increasing, too late to call in sick for work, I wandered down to work at 3pm with a heavy head and an achy hip area. All night it was there, the niggly pains, telling me that something in there was wonky.
Finally the shift ended, and I headed off to Tullah late into the darkened night. It was a slow drive, one reason was Wallabies and other wildlife, that seem to love congregating on the roadside watching for vehicles and then play a game of jump in front of the Car. I won this round, missing all who dared to leave a dent in my Car bonnet.
I was in Pain!
My hip was burning!
I arrived in Tullah, and pounced on the heat pack I had there.
Relief did you say? NO!
It made the pain worse.
I had a hot shower.
Still no relief, instead it became a thumping muscular ache that throbbed in pain all night.
I slept not!
Laying down was a curse, I just couldn't get comfortable, the aching thud thus thud thud drove me to wander the corridors and rooms of the house til sunrise.
Pain releif tablets seemed to have no effect!
Is this living? Is this a Life worth living, oh so many silly thoughts go through ones mind at these times.
I must say..The Internet late at night is a great way to distract the Mind and chat to others around the Planet, proving that Life does exist beyond these darkened skies that shone through the lounge windows.
The next day was no better, pain contining, walking an issue where I would take ages, not seconds, to get to the Bathroom, the Kitchen, and the Bedroom. Sitting down was ok, gravity was my friend, but standing up was my enemy. Halfway up the muscular pain would flare and intensify, leaving me in tears when I finally was able to stand up and hobble off.
Phone call to the Local Surgery, this is not muscular I thought, must see a Doctor.
So today around midday I drove south to Rosebery, in incredible pain, as the road is very very windy and hilly and you are constantly accelerating and braking, all this with my Pained right leg. Every corner was a tear jerker, a few yelps when I braked would have sent any passenger over the Moon in fright.
I arrived at the Surgery and discovered that the pain was so intense, it took me around 5 mins to actually get out of the car as I couldn't bend my right leg due to the searing pain in the upper thigh muscle.
Finally I hobbled into the Surgery and after a few mins wait, I was called in to see, not 1, but 2 Doctors.. One was a Student Intern.
There they did a series of observations, tests, and consulted with other Doctor Colleagues.
Then came the diagnosis.

SHINGLES!!!!!

Wha????
Shingles! But, how, where, when????
All these silly questions popped into my head.
I was given some reading material to explain that Shingles can reoccur in anyone who has had the ChickenPox Virus, which I did have when I was a child.
Even having the Common Cold, which I still have now, can be a trigger to reactivate the Herpes Virus that has been dormant in the body since childhood.
The intensity of the pain in the muscle tissue, and not being calmed by heatpacks, only cold packs, was now adding up.
Well now I was in pain, but at least had a more definite idea as to Why I was in pain.

Now I sit here in the Kitchen, with a walking stick by my side to help me walk short distances, pain relief tablets, and antiviral tablets nearby staring at me, telling me that a small event in ones life can alter your whole life's path.
Its a very humbling experience, and has made me suddenly feel very Mortal.
My Mortality has become my focus right now. I am unable to do much until the pains subside, which annoys me big time, as you become very bored.
But I am now feeling very small, a lesser person, suddenly finding that simple daily tasks like walking and sleeping a bloody hard challenge.
My thoughts turned to all those many hundreds of thousands of people out here who have some form of disease, disability and genetic problems that cause pains, discomforts and where daily living is a constant battle and a challenge, not only physically, but for the Mind too.
I am Human, and I am prone to breaking.
So lets all take care of ourselves, because we are not immortal as many seem to think we are.

Lightning.. Nature's forked tongue

Recently here in Tas we have been having some extremely hot & humid weather. Temperatures have not been as extreme as the mainland but for Tassie temps up to 35 degrees (celcius) are tough to deal with here. Plus there has been very high humidity. It feels like the tropics have come south.

Last Friday, I watched from the back yard in Tullah an intense lightning storm slowly pass from west to east not that far north of Tullah. There was little rain in this storm cloud, just lots of amazing forked lightning flashing across and down, creating a spectacular light show for those in its view.
BUT.. with lightning in summer, there is the threat of lightning starting fires.

Now it is 5 days later and there is a fire burning near Cradle Mountain from this Lightning storm.
Tullah and the surrounding area has been blanketed in a haze of smoke, some of which I drove through this morning, and was quite thick in places. Visibility on the road would go from clear to near zero in seconds.

We curse these fires, but when nature is in total charge to where and when Lightning happens, and how it controls its Wilderness, how can we argue. It is a natural event, it has been happening this way for centuries, longer than Man can imagine.
Lightning is fascinating, and we must be ever aware of how powerful it is, what it can do, and what its purpose is in nature. To this day, we remain in awe of the amazing energy it gives us.

The Sound of 2 silent footsteps

This morning my Dear Friend Gary departed Australian soil to return back home to London, with a few days stopover in Hong Kong.


Although I only met him here in Tas, his online Journal of his amazing travels around Australia made me feel as if I had known him, and travelled with him all these months since his arrival.


Gary, your stay here in Tullah was enjoyed on such a deep level. Memories like that will stay with me a very very long time. Serenity, Rest, Peace, and Nature all allowed you to slow down, a time of relaxation and calmness.

Your footsteps echo around the House in Tullah, and the Unit in Burnie still, a sound of comfort to this day.

Now those footsteps are silent, not just here in Tas, but now all over Australia. Your walks on our soil have not gone unnoticed. We see your wonderful photos in your online Journal, we know you were there, walking, searching, seeing, and experiencing our Country, our varied and beautiful rugged Southern Land we call Australia.

The silent sounds of your footsteps can still be heard, always present, always there. You may have left our shores now, Gary, but your Soul, and your Soles still remain. Spirit walks in many ways and in many directions here, your footsteps have joined them, to forever walk our Land, to be enjoyed eternally.

To quote you from your last Online Aussie Entry....
"To my very special, spiritual new friend Lindsay in Tullah, Tasmania. You are one in a million and I’m so fortunate to count you among my friends. We’ll be close friends, no matter how far apart we are and I thank you."

I thank you too for your Friendship, a very valued and beautiful person, and it has been an absolute pleasure to have had this opportunity to meet you and allow you to experience a place that is so wonderful, a place called Tasmania.

Bon Voyage Mate!!!





(Pic reproduced with kind permission from Gary Himself )

Distance and Friendships

Sometimes when Friends are not close by, we feel as if distance is the medium in which we feel disconnected from them.
This disconnection would be a great challenge if it were not for the Internet, and Mobile communications today.
My dear Friends I have in my life, are only as far as this computer screen, or a simple sms from their Mobile phone, and sometimes a chat on the Landline Phone.
Its a simple medium, but one that allows our Friendships to continue.

What is a Friend?
it can conjure up many answers this question, but I feel that a True Friend is one that has Integrity and Honesty, and values you as you are.

Also I do believe that a True Friend can be connected to you on a far deeper level, where distance is no barrier, greater than an email, stronger than an SMS message. I feel that when you connect with someone, a deep Universal connection is made, and no matter where each of you are, your connection is only a thought away. It transcends all that we know of today, for wherever we are at any one given time, a deep loving thought will instantly be with your Friends.

To my Friends out there, wherever you are right now, my thoughts and love are with you now.
Distance is no barrier to True Friendships.

What is happiness?

What is Happiness?

Well I can show you in a simple format here..




Get 2 Fluffy Keeshond dogs..















add water..
















and you will get 2 Happy Dogs!!





Look at their faces.. pure Joy!!














This is Happiness, pure & simple!!

Tullah Magic

Tullah.

A small Village tucked away in the Wilderness region of The West Coast of Tasmania.
Its a former Hydro Village and Pioneer Settlement Village.
Surrounded on all sides are Mountains, Lakes, Rivers, Creeks, and Wilderness.

Tullah is a place that I find allows you to find time to rest, a Place where you can wind down, re-connect with Nature, and feel rejuvenated again. Its a rare place that can do this.
Tullah is one such Place.

Recently I had my Friend Gary stay with me in Tullah.
He had been on a whirlwind driving tour of 4 States and 1 Territory in Australia.
He arrived in Burnie where I met up with him, before we drove down to Tullah for a week.

From the moment he arrived in Tullah, tiredness set in big time.
For nearly 3 days Gary rested, slept and let Nature re-energise him after such a hectic Touring schedule the last few months.
I had no agenda for him, no Tourist drives, no rush to be anywhere, just let each day arrive and allow him to rest & recover.
We did do some short drives to the nearby Lakes, Dams & Mountains, where Mother Nature allowed us to see a wonderful rare sight in the form of 2 Platypus in Lake Murchison. No Zoo scene here, just these 2 wonderful creatures in their natural habitat. How excited was I.. I have never seen Platypus this way before.
Another wildlife moment at Lake MacIntosh also arose, in the form of a small snake sunning itself on the dam wall. Now I nearly freaked Gary out with my shrieks.. as I am no fan of snakes, big or small.
I did allow myself to get close enough to photograph the small snake, but in the time it takes to click the shutter ..I was gone!!! Gary was quite amuse at my sudden loss of sanity for a brief moment!!

For the remainder of Gary's visit, he rested, was fed home cooked meals, rested, watched TV, rested, and allowed his mind, Body & Soul to recover from a period of Fast Paced Living.

Tullah's magic was working!
Gary left feeling, and looking, brighter and re-energised.
You have taken a small part of Tullah with you, no matter where you are you will have that in you to remind you of where you were.


Gary, May you reap the benefits of your "Harvest" as told by the Universe.

Tullah, So far from anywhere, so close to the Soul.

Loss

Today I sit in my Unit feeling in a down mood.

Today at work I received a message from my Mother to let me know that my Uncle back in South Australia had passed away.



My Aunt, whom I am close to, made a very hard decision a few years ago to have my Uncle admitted to a Nursing Home due to his deteriorating mental state. No longer capable of living at Home, he was a Resident of a very Caring Aged Care Facility in Victor Harbor.
Although he was cared for exceptionally well, the feelings of Guilt my Aunt endured each day was profound. That feeling that she had failed in his care, after all, way back when 2 people were married, they said they would look after each other in sickness and in health til death do us part.
Being admitted to a Nursing Home just didn't fit into those marriage vows!

As each day, month and year passed, my Uncle's mental state rapidly decreased. A few days ago, I received a call to say he was now Palliative. The end of his Life was fast approaching, and today I found out it had ended yesterday afternoon.
Although I am surrounded by people "passing on" in my Work all the time, I find that when a Family member passes on, I feel very lost and sad.
I try to think why do I feel so low and sad when this happens. I see death all the time. I can be with a Resident at work and watch them slip away into eternity.
Yet a Family Member fills me with grief and I feel so confused and lost.
I think it is because they are MY FAMILY! Not someone elses Family. This is my Relative, my Family member whom I have know all my Life, a part of my Identity and my 'tribe!'
When they die, their association with my Life moves into another chapter. Now no longer living, they have become Deceased family, moved to the memories of my Past. We can only speak of them in Past Tense now, no longer in Present Tense.
Also it has made me realise that my Parents and Family are now older. They are approaching Old Age, and one day in the future, they too will pass on. My Uncle is the first of my Parent Generation to pass on in My Immediate Family. Time moves on, and death will eventually come to us all. Makes you feel very humble and vulnerable.

Unfortunately, I will not be in Victor Harbor to see my Uncle laid to rest, nor be there for my Aunt and Cousins. My Parents will be there, driving up from country SA, to represent us all.

Its an end to another era, one I can only remember from my memories now. My thoughts of my Uncle take me back to my Childhood, a life that feels so long ago.

Eternal Freedom now Uncle Alv!!

Free to roam the Outback!!!